He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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