i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
