Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
