When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
