the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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