Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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