I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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