Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I enjoy the company of your penis
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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