I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My breasts were aching with rage.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
