does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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