I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
