I accidentally burped into my bong.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
