another moral hangover. fuck.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
