well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
