just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
