apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
