The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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