Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
