So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
barbara walters just said penis...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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