no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
