i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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