She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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