there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
