it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
