you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
