The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
