we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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