I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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