Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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