Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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