I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
