Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
