im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
