I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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