just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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