If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
