Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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