I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
