He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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