god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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