Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
