on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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