Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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