you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the day after is always just damage control
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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