dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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