my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
