Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
