I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
