Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
