it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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