I can text with my tongue
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
